Many emotions and roles that you are responsible for taking on might come to mind when you think about your divorce situation. Whether your divorce happened years ago or even if you’re going through the initial stages right now, if prompted you might answer that you play a multitude of roles. As the finest divorce attorneys and family law attorney Belleville Illinois offers, we suggest these tips for how to help your kids make her day and teach them a lesson about respect and being civil.
Perhaps at the top of the list would be a defender, looking out for the best interests of your children and yourself in the midst of what can often be a very contentious battle with a person you didn’t envisioning yourself going up against even a few short years ago.
Maybe you’ve had to take on the roles of single dad, negotiator, and much more. But with May just around the corner consider this role: hero. And consider what we’re about to gently suggest might be a fairly simple way to earn that title in the eyes of the most important people in the world, your children.
In this article we get away from legal advice and focus on ways that fathers involved in joint custody can offer a unique kind of child support, one in which dad takes on the role of caring facilitator of happiness, empowering his kids to make their mom’s day.
Advice for Dads in Divorce About Sending The Right Message
The divorce process is just that… a process and it’s not going to be “over” for a long time, especially when children are involved. The adjustments are difficult for both ex-partners: the divorced mother and the divorced father.
For your children, your ex-wife will ALWAYS be their mother and you will always be their father. And this is why it’s important to always send the right message about respecting the other parent. We’ve seen it happen so many times where the parents spend so much energy tearing each other down that the message can’t but be overheard by the kids. And when parent don’t have each other’s back, kids find ways to get around the structures that should be molding them into strong, responsible individuals.
Though every marriage and divorce is different, it can’t be emphasized enough that by sending a message of respect – not necessarily THROUGH the children, but possibly in their sight, an important principle is communicated. Mom is valued and respected.
Divorced Dads Know Their Limits
As we mentioned before, every divorce situation is different. Obviously, if there are any kind of protection orders, limits on how and when you may communicate with your ex, custody visitation limits for you or her and of course, any history of domestic violence, please obey court orders and common sense.
Remember that the intention of any Mother’s Day plans should be to lighten the burden on your children and to show them that you respect their mother. Period. This is not a chance to win her back. This is not an opportunity to make a big statement.
Divorced Dads Plan For Mothers Day
Kids tend to live in the present, so it’s unlikely that they will be able to plan something for their mother. It doesn’t hurt to have a conversation with them in advance.
Depending on your children’s ages, help them earn some money doing something you need their help with around your place. Let them know the budget and have them throw out some ideas for things they’d like to do for mom. Remember to keep things simple and predictable.
Simple is usually better. A lavish dinner on Mother’s Day might conflict with her plans and sudden demands on her time might lead your intentions being misread and lead to conflict. A framed photo of the kids and her might do the trick.
Divorced Men Help Their Kids Shop for Mother’s Day
Spending a day in downtown Belleville, IL at the various shops is a great way to spend time with your kids. Inexpensive and original gifts can be found in many of the shops on East and West Main Street. Gift Certificates to local Belleville area restaurants also make great gifts. This allows the kids and mom to plan their Mothers Day dinner or lunch around their schedule and builds flexibility into the gift.
Avoiding the Need for a Fathers Rights Attorney
It’s no secret that parental divorce roles can be difficult and that custody disputes often arise whether you have primary custody or any other type of custody situation. Child custody issues can often be softened by asserting your role in a positive way when you are around your children.
One thing you can control, however, is how you behave in front of your children outside of the court system. Family court reconfigures but does not erase the bonds and many of the dynamics of the family. We find, mainly through our role of family law mediators in Belleville, Il that avoiding the need for a fathers rights lawyer is often as simple as remaining a vital parent and behaving as a hero that your children can look up to.
Happy Mother’s Day!
If you have questions about divorce, call our law firm at: 618-235-1600